Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – The Burgler and the Parrot.

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Chuckle, Friday, Funny, Giggle, Laugh, Smile, Snicker, Weekend

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, “Jesús is watching you.” He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, “Jesús is watching you.” In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, “Was it you who said Jesús is watching me” The parrot replied, “Yes.” Relieved, the burglar asked, “What is your name?” The parrot said, “Clarence.” The burglar said, “That’s a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?” The parrot answered, “The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesús.”

Courtesy: The Laugh Factory

I hope you got a good laugh out of this one. Have a great weekend, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Fish and Potatoes

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Chuckle, Friday, Fun, Funny, Giggle, Laugh, Relaxation, Snicker, Weekend, Witty

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, “Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!” A pastor hears this and asks, “Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.'” The boy responds, “Because I caught these fish at the local dam.” The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, “I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way.” He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later, at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, “That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the fucking potatoes!”

Courtesy: The Laugh Factory

Have a great Friday, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Menopause

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Chuckle, Fun, Funny Friday, Giggle, Laughter, Relax, Snicker, Weekend

Two men are talking and one says to the other, “My wife’s doctor says she has menopause, and, man, has she been moody lately. How long do the symptoms of menopause usually last?” The other man replies, “Let me put it this way: menopause will be listed as the cause on your death certificate.”

Courtesy: The Laughfactory

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Send Some Clothes

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Friday, Funny, Giggle, Happy, Joke, Laughter, Smile, Smirk, Weekend

Mother: “Sweetie, make a Christmas wish.”
Girl: “I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa’s computer.”

Courtesy: The Laugh Factory

Happy Friday, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Jimmy and Grandma

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Chuckle, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Hilarious, Laugh, Relax, Snicker, Weekend

A boy was going through his grandmother’s wallet one night and found her ID card. “Grandma?” he asked, “How much do you weigh?” His grandmother replied, “That’s not an appropriate question, Jimmy” He then asked, “How old are you?” She again replied, “That’s not appropriate, Jimmy.” Finally he asked, “Grandma, why did grandpa leave you?” Before she had time to answer, Jimmy looked at the card and said, “Oh I see, it’s because you got an ‘F’ in sex.”

Courtesy: The Laugh Factory

I hope you enjoy these like I do. I read quite a few and pick the one that makes me laugh the most. Have a great Friday!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – A Kid Asks His Dad…

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Chuckle, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Happy, Laughter, Snicker, Weekend

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A kid asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid says, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”

Courtesy: The Laugh Factory

Thanks to all the Moms out there. You gals rock!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – An Old Couple…

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Chuckle, Crackup, Friday, Funny, Giggle, Laugh, Weekend

A doctor tells an old couple at his office he needs to get a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood test from the old man. Hard of hearing, the old man asks his wife what the doctor said. The wife replies, “He needs a pair of your underwear.”

Courtesy: The Laughfactory

Have a great Friday, folks! Hang in there! It’s tough in some places.

Sending good thoughts to all.

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – A 7-year-old and a 4-year-old…

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Chuckle, Friday, Funny Friday, Giggle, Happy, Laugh, Party, Smile, Weekend

A 7-year-old and a 4-year-old are in their bedroom. “You know what?” says the 7-year-old, “I think it’s time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’ll swear first, then you.” “Okay,” replies the 4-year-old. In the kitchen, when the mother asks the 7-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he answers, “I’ll have Coco Pops, bitch.” *WHACK* He goes flying out of his chair, crying his eyes out. The mother looks at the 4-year-old & sternly asks, “And what do you want?” “Dunno,” he replies, “But it won’t be fucking Coco Pops.” – Courtesy the laugh factory.

This one cracked me up. I hope you enjoyed it too. Have a great Friday!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Another Little Johnny Joke

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Chuckle, Funny Friday, Giggle, Joke, Laugh, Little Johnny, Party time, Relax, Weekend

Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny’s dad thinks, “I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.” He calls the teacher and says, “My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you’ll have to keep an eye on him.” The teacher says, “Okay,” because she can handle it. The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, “Hi, my name is Johnny.” She says, “Yes, I know who you are.” Johnny smiles and says, “I bet you $10 you’ve got a mole on your butt.” The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem, so she takes him up on the bet. She pulls her pants down, shows him her butt, and there is no mole. That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost $10 to the teacher and explains why. His dad calls the teacher and says, “Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost.” The teacher says, “Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem.” Johnny’s dad laughs and says, “No you didn’t, he bet me $100 this morning that he’d see your ass before the day was over.”

The joke was provided by the Laugh Factory

I know this is a long one, but it’s terrific. Have a great Friday, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Four Men in a Hospital

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Chuckle, Friday, Funny, Giggle, Joke, Laughter, Party time, Weekend

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets.” “That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”

Courtesy: Laughfactory.com

Happy Friday, folks!

Until next time…

Dave