Daily Ramblings – Spiritual Saturday – Happiness Comes From Within

Tags

24-hour news, Choice, External, Grateful, Gratitude, Happiness, Internal, Needs, social media, Wants

“Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else.” ― Brian Weiss

 

Have you ever heard a friend or relative cry out, ‘I just want to be happy!’? People seek happiness in money, travel, relationships, a good job, security, or some other place. The problem with this idea is simply this: Happiness is a choice.

You choose to be happy. If you constantly depend on material things, people, places, or your job to make you happy, you will find out very quickly that this is an untenable position. Why you ask? Because nothing is permanent in this world. Money changes, places change, people change, jobs change, and your health changes. If you depend on outside things to make you happy, you’ll be chasing happiness for the rest of your life.

Happiness is a mindset. It literally is a way of living. You either choose to be happy or you choose to be unhappy. Frankly, I choose to be happy. Being happy is so much easier than being pissed off and afraid. Happiness is calming, peaceful, comfortable. Why would anyone want to be anything but happy?

I find the people that are chasing after happiness are never happy. There’s always one more thing to get, one more friend to have, one more experience to try, one more place to travel to. A common phrase unhappy people use is “if only”. If only I had a wife that loved me. If only I had a nicer home. If only I had a better job, a faster car, a puppy, ad infinitum.

Unfortunately, in the United States, we have a society driven by marketing, sales, and advertising. We’re shown unrealistic pictures of happy people driving around in Ferraris, eating whatever they want, drinking whatever they want, and living the supposed “good life”. We have a 24-hour news cycle constantly berating us with disasters, crime, and tales of doom and gloom. It is never ending and inescapable.

Be informed but remain happy. Buy the things you want and need but be happy. Be grateful for what you have. It is so interesting to hear people talk about what they need and confusing need with want. Most of us have what we need to survive. We have a place to sleep, we have enough food to eat, we have a place protected from the elements. Yet, so many of us are unhappy. We take for granted what we have already and that what we have is enough. I think part of our unhappiness as a society is spurred by social media, advertisers, and the 24-hour new cycle, which focuses on negative, rather than positive stories.

How can you turn all of this around? Avoid it. Stop watching the news. Stop spending hours on social media. You can still be informed by scanning the news for a few minutes in the morning. You can stay in touch with friends by making some postings in the morning and reacting to your feed. Once you’ve done these things–GET OFF OF IT!! Then, focus on the things you want to do for yourself. Work on your goals, work on yourself, do your chores. Read, write, experience. Most importantly, take stock each day of what you are grateful for. Really focus on the things that you have right now. The more you focus on what you have, the less you’ll want something externally.

I hope all of you have a terrific Saturday!

Until next time…

Dave

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Daily Ramblings – Wednesday Wisdom – Attached to Suffering

Tags

Advertising, Attachment, Buddha, Marketing, News, social media, Suffering, wisdom

“Attachment is the source of all suffering” – The Buddha

Is there something in your life that you do not like? Does your job suck? Are you not making enough money? Are your relationships toxic? Are you unsatisfied with your image in the mirror? Final question: Why?

In most cases we have what we need. We may not have what we want, but we have what we need. We have a place to lay our heads at night; we have enough food to eat, and we have some means of making a living. Why are so many people suffering?

We suffer because we are resisting change. We resist changes to our body as we age. We resist changes to our employment when it’s time to move on. We resist changes in our relationships (i.e. it’s time to move on or accept that we weren’t right for the person who left us).

I used to suffer. I used to suffer from want and need. Then, I ran across this quote above and decided that I should change my mindset. I took a few times to understand this. Greed caused my two bankruptcies. I wanted things I could not afford and borrowed more than I should have to get the things I wanted, which today, I don’t even own.

Why do we buy things? Because we are unsatisfied. We are missing something. Both feelings come from being bombarded by marketers who are fighting for our attention and money. They show us pictures and videos of things we should have, places we should go, the diet we should be on, the food we should eat, the supplements we should take, the deals we’re missing out on. All this advertising has a huge effect on our psyches. It is constant, persistent, and all-encompassing. If you think this does not impact you, think again.

How do we avoid it? We can avoid social media, we can avoid the news, and we can avoid mindless surfing of the web. We can choose the sources of information we use and get rid of the rest. I enjoy social media but only spurts. I’m literally on social media for a few minutes in the morning and the evening. The same goes for the news. I scan the news for about 10 minutes in the morning while I enjoy my first cup of coffee. The rest of the day I am spending my time on the tasks that are important to me: Reading, Writing, Programming, Meditation, and Exercise. These are my Big 5. Everything else is secondary.

We can also develop a sense of gratitude and thankfulness. It takes time to develop this habit because we are told constantly that we don’t have enough and told we aren’t enough. We are missing something that the couple in an advertisement has. That couple by the way aren’t a couple, their bodies aren’t that perfect but photo-shopped, and that sailboat they are on is not theirs. It’s all made up. It’s all designed to make you feel you are missing something. If they convince you that you are, you just bought what they are selling or something like it to fill in this “make believe” gap in your life. A gap that isn’t even real. Do you understand how insidious this is?

Look, don’t get me wrong. I understand that marketing and advertising is needed. They tell us what is out there in case we are looking. What I’m describing is the effect these advertisements have on us and why they are so harmful. They create the suffering the Buddha talks about. We become attached to the idea that we don’t have enough; we aren’t enough, and the only way to fix us is to pursue more money, more things, which require us to work harder and harder to pay off the bills we keep adding to. It is a vicious cycle that most people never, ever get out of.

If you are tired of feeling crappy all the time, tired of running subconsciously on a rodent’s exercise wheel, take charge of yourself and your life. Take time to take inventory of what you have and express thanks for your life, your health, your family, your place of residence, and the job you have. None of them are perfect, but they are yours. You really don’t need another pair of shoes, a brand-new car, a new sound system for your home, or yet another bottle of protein or some powdered meal that will sit in your cupboard for the next year and gather dust.

Life is good. Be grateful for all you have. End your suffering by detaching from ideas and things, realizing that it will all change. It will change because everything in this life does. We change, our things change, our attitudes change, our ideas change, our relationships change. If you become detached, change is variety. Change is refreshing. Change is exciting.

Until next time…

Dave

Overwhelming…

Tags

facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, Productivity, reality, social media, time-management, twitter, virtual

via Daily Prompt: Overwhelming

I enjoy these daily prompts, particularly on those days when I either have too many ideas or too few ideas about what I would like to write about. I write every day and will either post here, or work on one of the many book ideas I have. My primary project will deal with technical recruiting and provides me a way to give back to the profession that gave so much to me. The word overwhelming could be applied to so many things today. Social media is overwhelming, particularly if you are a member of more than one of these sites. I enjoy Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, and Facebook. When these media sites are at their peak during the day, it is amazing how many things are being discussed, posted, and reposted.

Like email, I limit myself to a few visits to these sites each day, this blog included. On days that I am absolutely bored and unmotivated, I’ll gravitate from one board to another, clicking like, retweet, etc. During these days the time flies because we become so mesmerized by the blur of activity, funny videos, pictures of our friends, and so on.

As a way to provide some value to my readers, I’ll get to my point. Social media is “virtual” life. It is not real. Sure it’s fun to have someone give you a like for a posting, just like it is a real treat to get likes on my postings here, but frankly, the people you consider your friends in these mediums barely scratch the surface of what true friendship and family are.

These sites are fun. They are interesting and allow us to connect with people that in the past we would have had no access to. I treat the people in my networks as pen pals. Pen pals were something I learned about in elementary school. Our teacher got us to sign up and we each had a friend from another country that we would write to and so forth. After a few years I lost track of my pen pal, but today I have thousands of them.

I’m in America and have friends in Indonesia, the Phillippines, the UK, Germany, the Netherlands, India, and many other places. It is so interesting to see what other people find funny, sad, or even how they celebrate. You can see it all on social media. Now, it may not be an exact representation of what you would consider traditional, but it is so heartwarming to see a friend put up pictures of a newborn, or pictures of a far-away place they’ve visited.

Spend time with your family. Spend real time with your family away from the social media, the mobile phones, and really listen to them. Control the amount of time you spend on these sites. They will suck the life out of you and minimize your ability to do anything creatively, pursue your dreams, or accomplish your goals.

I treat them just like I do email. I review my email 4 times a day. I visit my email mid-morning after my morning ritual, I visit again after lunch, evening after dinner, and during my evening ritual. When I’m going through my email I’ll also check my sites, sometimes only for a few seconds if no one has responded to my postings, I have no new friend invites, and so on.

Social media is here to stay. It is fun, it is interesting, and it is definitely entertaining. It is not a substitute for life or real relationships with your friends, family, and loved ones. Now go hug your wife, your kids, your mother and father. That is where our time needs to be placed.

Until next time…