Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – 100 years old

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cellmate, Chuckle, con, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, jail, Joke, Laugh, prisoner, Snicker, Weekend

A new man brought into a prison cell with a cellmate who is already 100 years old. The new cellmate asks the old man his story. The old con says, “You look at me, I’m old and worn out, but if you can believe it, I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat and four luxury cars, dated the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants around the world.”

The new man asks, “What happened?”

“Riley finally realized his credit cards were missing.”

Joke Credit: The Best Joke Book (Period)

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Grandfather and Granddaughter

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Chuckle, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Hilarious, Laugh, Relax, Snicker, Weekend

A grandfather is walking home with his granddaughter after church. “Did God make you, PopPop?” the girls asks.

“Yep! He certainly did,” the old man answers again.

“And did he make me too?” she asks next.

“Of course he did,” the old man answers again.

“Well,” she replies, “he’s certainly getting better at it.”

Joke, courtesy: The Best Joke Book (Period)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Nail Biting

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Chuckle, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Hilarious, Laugh, Relax, Snicker, Weekend

“Two old women are discussing habits of their husbands. “Even after all these years, my husband will not stop biting his nails,” the first woman explains.

“My husband had the same habit,” the second woman explained, “but I fixed that. I just hid his teeth.”

Joke: Courtesy: The Best Joke Book (Period)

Have a great Friday!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Three Older Ladies

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Chuckle, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Have Fun, Joke, Laugh, Relax, Snicker, Weekend

Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older. One says, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.”

The second lady chimes in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one responds, “Well, I’m sure glad I don’t have that problem. Knock on wood.” She raps her knuckles on the table, then says, “That must be the door. I’ll get it.”

Joke courtesy of: The Best Joke Book (Period).

Have a great weekend, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – God Complex

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Chuckle, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Happy, Joke, Laugh, Smile, Snicker

A new patient settles comfortably onto the couch, and the psychiatrist begins his therapy session.

“I’m not aware of your exact problem,” the doctor says, “so perhaps you should start from the very beginning.”

“Of course,” replies the patient. “In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth…”

Joke Courtesy: The Best Joke Book (Period).

Have a great weekend, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Hearing Things

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Chuckle, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Hilarious, Laugh, Smile, Snicker

A patient in a mental hospital would spend his entire day with his ear pressed up against the wall. The doctor would watch this man, day after day, sit against the wall. The doctor finally decides to see what the patient is always listening to, so he puts his ear up to the wall and listens alongside the man. He hears nothing.

He turns to the mental patient and says, “I don’t hear anything coming from the wall.”

The mental patient replies, “Yeah, I know, and it’s been like that for months!”

Joke credit: The Best Joke Book (Period).

Have a great weekend, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – A Corny One

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Chuckle, Corny, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Hilarious, Laugh, Relaxation, Smile, Snicker, Weekend

A patient and psychologist were meeting for the first time.

“I think I’m a goat,” the patient tells the new doctor.

“All right,” the doctor says as he jots notes down. “And how long have you had this feeling?”

The man told him, “Ever since I was a kid.” (Get it?)

Have a great weekend, folks!

Joke Credit: The Best Joke Book (Period).

Until next time….

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – A Worried Father

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Chuckle, Friday, FriYAY, Fun, Giggle, Happy, Laugh, Relax, Smile, Snicker, Weekend

A worried father calls the family doctor because he thinks his teen son has caught a venereal disease.

“I think he got it from the maid,” says the concerned dad, “and I’ve also been sleeping with the maid.”

“Okay,” the doctor replies calmly. “Well, when you bring him into the office, we’ll look at you as well.”

“And that’s not all,” the father continues. “I think I might have given it to his mother.”

“Oh, no!” cries the doctor. “Well, now we might all have it!”

—The Best Joke Book (Period)

Have a great Friday, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – A woman…

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Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Happy, Laugh, Relax, Snicker, Weekend

A woman accompanies her husband to a doctor’s visit. After the checkup, the doctor calls only her into his office. “The outlook isn’t good,” he tells her.

“Your husband is under a tremendous amount of stress. If you don’t do exactly what I tell you, he may not survive to see the end of the month. Each morning, make him a nice healthy breakfast. Do the same for lunch and dinner. Always be in a pleasant mood around him and keep his spirits up. Don’t burden him with chores or stress him with the details of your day. At night, if he’s up for it, agree to any request for sexual pleasure. If you do all those things, he’ll live a long life.” On the way home, the husband asks his wife what the doctor said to her in the closed-door meeting.

She replies, “You’re going to die.”

Have a great weekend, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Funny Friday – Aliens

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Chuckle, Friday, FriYAY, Funny, Giggle, Happy, Laughter, Relax, Snicker, Weekend

The president was awakened in the middle of the night by a call from the Pentagon.

“Mr. President,” the four-star general began, “I’ve got good news and bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” the president asked.

“The country is being taken over by aliens from another planet.”

“My God,” the president said. “What’s the good news?”

“The good news is,” said the general, “they pee oil and they’ve eaten Rush Limbaugh.”

Have a great Friday, folks!

Until next time…

Dave