Daily Ramblings – Spiritual Saturday: When to help and when to listen.

Tags

Complaining, Empathy, Fixing, Listening, problem-solving, psychology, wisdom

“As we come out of our childhood of spirituality into greater states, we learn to let people be.”—Harold Klemp The Language of Soul

I have always struggled to empathize with people who complain. I always want to jump in and fix whatever is ailing them. What I have discovered is that people do not want to have their problems fixed for them. They want to be listened to, in most cases.

Today, I still struggle with this. In hindsight, I guess I have discovered that I am uncomfortable with people complaining. Complaining is a very negative and victim-like act, in my opinion. It is very frustrating when you run across someone who continuously complains about the same thing endlessly. It’s like these people are frozen in time, trapped in an endless loop without end.

I was watching a YouTube video a while back. I cannot recall the person’s name or even the YouTube video that I was watching but a conversation came up about one of the things he did to get along better with his wife. He said, “We came up with a way to identify what type of conversation we were in. I simply asked my wife whether this was a listening conversation or a solution conversation.” This was ingenious. The husband literally asks his wife whether he was to listen and empathize or listen and help her solve a problem. What a great way of doing things. If we are aware, we can pick up on these things and use them in our own lives.

Here’s a link to a great article about complaining: Psychology Today Article

If you continuously find yourself complaining about the same things, this article will help you understand the fruitlessness of this act. This article also explains how you relive what you are complaining about each time you complain. Talk about driving something deep into your psyche.

So, what are the lessons for today? Complaining is harmful if you are not using it to affect change in your life. There are two types of conversations: 1) Conversations where a person wants to complain and be listened to and empathized with; 2) Conversations where a person wants to complain in order to seek an answer to a question or find a solution to their problem.

If a person complains and asks for help, help them. If a person complains and does not ask for help, listen and empathize. People evolve and grow in unique ways. We have no right to jump in and advise, judge, or fix something they are totally capable of fixing. Let them be.

Until next time…

Dave

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Daily Ramblings – Motivation Monday

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Goals, Perseverance, problem-solving, Problems, Weight Loss

“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.” – Robert H. Schuller

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/robert_h_schuller_107067?src=t_motivational

I’m still tracking my weight loss. Today’s weigh-in: 217lbs. One more pound. Steady and slow, but steady.

Today’s exercise routine was a Back and Bicep workout, coupled with 26 minutes of Cardio. I’m eating 5-6 meals a day but focusing on minimal carb intake (between 20 and 50 grams). I’ve discovered over the last year that I lose weight when I can keep the carbs low.

We are all unique. What works for me, may not work for you. What works for your brother or sister, may not work for you. It’s taken me a while to understand this concept, but it does apply to the types of foods you can eat and tolerate, the type of exercise your body responds to, the amount of sleep you need, and even the types of supplements that work or do not work.

I used to spend a lot of money on supplements. Now, I stick with just a pre- and -intra-workout powder. My body doesn’t like whey protein but loves meat. I can eat as much as I want and my body grinds through it. I recommend two different brands for pre-workouts that have proven to be effective—JYM Supplements and Kaged Muscle. I’m using Kaged Muscle’s pre- and intra-workout (named Prekaged and Inkaged appropriately). You can find these and other supplements on bodybuilding.com.

I’ll be candid with you. There are some days that I absolutely dread going to the gym. Today was one of those days. The caffeine and other ingredients in my pre-workout provide me with a nice boost and helps me get through days like today. Once I’m in the gym, I’m fine, but getting there is sometimes a challenge—this is when the pre-workouts really help me.

When we are pursuing goals, mistakes will be made, doubts will arise, and our motivation will be tested. These problems are all nudges to adjust our plans or reset milestones. When we pursue a goal, we are traveling over untraveled territory. Just like the settlers of the American West, we too will face challenges we are not prepared for. Like Schuller suggests, we adjust. We change gears. We pick a new route. We do not quit, we reformulate.

My road to weight loss will continue until I’ve gotten off the fat I want to get off. It will not stop. It will not cease. I will persevere.

Keep these things in mind as you pursue your goals of writing a book, creating a business, learning a new language or skill. You will run into problems—it is inevitable. Just remember: problems guide us, they identify something we didn’t think about when we first laid our plans. Keep going, keep adjusting, keep moving—you will get where you want to go—just don’t quit.

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Complaint or Solution?

Tags

Complaining, Helplessness, Hopelessness, moving forward, problem-solving, Solutions

 

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy” – Henry Ford

 

It is so easy to nitpick a solution to a problem or a process. It is so easy to complain about other people or something we don’t like. It is so easy to be a complainer.

 

But, like anything easy, it comes with some huge disadvantages. The first is the inability to see anything positive in a situation. Complaining compels us to look for the bad situation, the bad solution, the bad person, the bad in everything. Who complains when things are going good right?

 

The second major problem with complaining is the constant reference to the activity, item, action, or person we complain about. This complaining, particularly if we have no solution, escalates our complaining to a level that brings about a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, and feeling bad about ourselves (Winch, 2012).

 

We rarely complain to the people that can solve the problem is the third disadvantage. When we lack a solution to a problem we are complaining about we tend to vent to our friends or relatives—people who cannot solve the problem. Why? Because we want someone to validate our emotions. This does bring temporary relief, but does it solve the problem? No. So we move to the next phone call or meeting over coffee and continue to relive our problem over and over and over.

 

Like Ford’s quote suggests, there is a solution. Complain to people who can do something about your problem or issue. If you don’t like a process or program in your company, approach the person who set the process or program. If you don’t like the way you are treated by someone, tell them. If you don’t like the service you are getting at a restaurant, request to speak to a manager.

 

Suggestion: Have a solution. If you don’t like a program or process, design a different one that will benefit the organization—then sell it! If you don’t like how someone treats you, pull them aside and tell them how you would like to be treated. If you aren’t getting the service you like, request to speak to a manager and explain what your expectations are when visiting their restaurant.

 

Will these solutions be effective? Not all the time. However, it is much more efficient to solve a problem and present it, rather than coming up with an easy complaint and talking with people who cannot solve your problem. If your solution doesn’t work, you can work with your manager and perhaps come up with a better solution than you came up with. You can approach HR in your company to help a person who is mistreating you see the light. You can avoid a restaurant in the future that didn’t meet your expectations.

 

Personally, I do not like the feelings associated with helplessness. I believe there is always a solution to a problem. Complaining is ok occasionally. Habitual complaining is unhealthy and an absolute waste of time. For more information, see the article referenced below. It is a good read if you are looking to improve your outlook on life and want to learn to complain effectively.

 

Until next time…

 

Dave

 

Reference

 

Winch, G. (2012). Does complaining damage our mental health? How the way we complain impacts our mental health. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201201/does-complaining-damage-our-mental-health

 

Daily Ramblings – Daily Quotes

Tags

Buckminster Fuller, Integrity, Intuition, problem-solving

“I call intuition cosmic fishing. You feel a nibble, then you’ve got to hook the fish.” – R. Buckminster Fuller

“When I am working on a problem, I never think about beauty but when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.” – R. Buckminster Fuller

“Integrity is the essence of everything successful.” – R. Buckminster Fuller

Until tomorrow….

Problems…

Tags

God, Golden Wisdom, problem, problem-solving, Question, Solutions

“Be alert during the day for clues about your problem from other people. The Holy Spirit works through them too. So be aware and listen.” – Harold Klemp – The Spiritual Life

Problems, challenges, issues, we all have them. Some of them we create, while others are put in our laps by others. How do you solve your problems? Many search the Internet. Others confide in their friends and loved ones and ask for advice. Others avoid the problem altogether hoping it will just go away.

I have come to the realization of a few pieces of wisdom I’ve gained over the last 50 or so years of my life.

• Problems don’t go away
• Everything is in its rightful place in the worlds of God
• God never gives us a problem we cannot solve
• God will give you the answer if you ask

Problems don’t go away

Yeah, I’m one of those folks who procrastinate. When a problem comes my way, my first solution is to just ignore it. This obviously is not a good way to solve one’s problems. Problems always stick around. Once I learned this, I begin to brainstorm how to solve it. Once I’ve brainstormed, I put together a plan and create discrete action steps to begin working on.

Everything is in its rightful place in the worlds of God

God is perfect. If God was anything but perfect, our Universe would collapse on itself. Subsequently, we have to assume that an architecture, laws or principals exist to avoid this, even if we don’t have the full picture. Assuming this, the “problem” we see as a problem really isn’t a problem at all but a misunderstanding of this architecture.

God never gives us a problem we cannot solve

One of my beliefs is that this reality we exist in is a classroom. It is a classroom for our true self to learn and become better equipped to serve God. Subsequently, the lessons God gives us are for our betterment.

God will give you the answer if you ask

We do the best we can on our own by brainstorming the problem, putting together a plan to solve the problem and begin the work of moving through our plan step-by-step. We can also ask questions.

Problems or lessons are hard because we are charting new territory. We are doing something we have not done before. The reason we label these things as problems are because we don’t know the answer. Think about this for a moment.

If you are hit with a problem and you’ve solved that problem in the past, it isn’t a problem, is it? We already know how to deal with it and we do. The only way for God to stretch us is to present us with problems or lessons we have not dealt with before. The act of solving the problem is where the learning is.

Let’s say we’re stuck. We are hit with a problem and we have no idea where to begin to solve it. This is where asking a God a question can help. Simply ask a question like: What is the solution to this problem that will be good for me and for the good of the whole? Then keep your eyes, ears, and mind open for the answer. Sometimes the answer will come intuitively. You’ll just get an idea and it gets you moving. Other times the answer will come when you are reading a book, magazine, or an article online. You may be watching television, listening to the radio, or overhear someone in a coffee shop speaking about something related to your problem. Heck, you may even see your answer on a billboard.

For me, it comes in a variety of ways, sometimes in a combination of things. The key is to keep an open mind and be aware of anything that comes to provide you with an answer to your question. Now, there’s one more thing you’ll need to do. If you get an answer, you need to verify or confirm it.

Confirming something is all about the doing. Let’s say you get an idea that leads you along a certain path to solving your problem. As you are moving in this direction, you solve the problem. This is the confirmation you need. In another case, you may be moving in a direction from one of your gained insights only to find that you are moving in the wrong direction. This verifies that the solution you received was a little off. Then you ask the question again and continue moving along until you’ve solved your issue. In some paths, these insights are labeled the “Golden Wisdom”. In others, they would be a revelation, an “ah-ha” moment, or a paradigm shift.

Try this out the next time you have a problem you just can’t seem to get traction on. Do your best on your own, but when you’re stuck, ask the question. You’ll be surprised at what you receive.

Until next time…