Daily Ramblings – Thinking Tuesday – De-escalating Conflict

Tags

argument, breathing, conflict, de-escalating, Empathy, Listening, miscommunication, note taking

It seems that our political discourse, along with any other type of discourse, particularly online, has digressed to trolling, outrage, attacking others, and spouting our points of view to enrage, rather than discuss. In light of all this, today’s Thinking Tuesday posting is quite apropos.

I was prompted to seek out some information on this, since I am taking a course in college that highlights communication in higher education. Here you go! Enjoy!

Have a great week, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Spiritual Saturday – Listening

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Choices, Gut feeling, Inner voice, Intuition, Listening, Spiritual Saturday, Warning

Have you ever listened to your inner voice? Some label it conscience; others label it God. My experience with this inner voice has been an interesting one. I remember reading about it The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey mentions that this inner voice gets louder the more you listen to it and quieter when you ignore it. I’ll label this inner voice intuition.

Have you ever gone to a place, and it just felt wrong? You can’t put your finger on why it is wrong; it just is. Have you ever felt a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you did something wrong? Have you ever had your internal alarms go off when you are about to do something you know is too risky? These are all examples of this intuition I’m talking about.

When I look back over my life, my intuition has saved me from some major errors. Whenever I have stepped in it, my inner voice was screaming not to do something and I ignored it. Sometimes the inner voice gives a little warning. Then, if I ignore it, it would give a bigger warning. If I continued to ignore it, it would stop warning me and BAM! The thing it warned me about happened and it was so much more painful than it had to be, all because I ignored the guidance I was getting all along.

Sure. Some could label this as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Who knows? Maybe it was. I believe there is more to it than that. I truly believe that our intuition is our best friend and should be trusted, because at least in my life, it has proven itself over and over and over.

Try this little exercise for yourself. Look back over your life and try to find the times your inner voice, intuition, whatever you call it, tried to warn you about a decision or action you were about to make. Did you follow the advice? How many times did your failure to follow this inner guidance get you in trouble?

Reply in the comments if this exercise helped you identify your own internal voice. Give me some success stories too.

Have a great Saturday, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Spiritual Saturday – Tolerance

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Conversation, Evaluating, Learning, Listening, tolerance, Tolerant, Understanding, Verifying

One of the hardest things for me to do is to listen to someone who has ideas or beliefs that are counter to mine. It took a lot of hard effort to loosen up my mind so that I could hear another’s point of view. I overcame this by forcing myself to read articles written by people I disagree with to learn from them. Why do they think the way they do? What benefit does their thinking afford them?

When you read articles like these, some of them will absolutely piss you off. But there’s a silver lining. You can also learn something. Perhaps they will expose a weakness in your logic or arguments. Perhaps they will demonstrate why they believe what they do and why it is important to them. There is so much to learn from others who have a different point of view.

A disadvantage of not listening or reading another person’s point of view, particularly if they do not agree with you, is you are not stretched. Anyone can listen to people they agree with. There is no mental work. It is nothing more than a self-gratifying exercise. Listen to someone you disagree with, and you will stretch. You’ll learn something. You still may not agree with what is said, but you’ll understand why they believe what they do. It is an excellent exercise.

Tolerate others and they’ll likely tolerate you. I think this is a really important thing to consider today in our “cancel” culture, where people are literally wanting to shut other people up who don’t fall in line with their thinking. For this to work, both people engaged must listen to one another and evaluate where the other person is. Conversation is the only way to achieve this.

Have a great Saturday, folks!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Ted Talk Tuesday – 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

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10 ways, Brevity, Celeste Headless, Conversation, Listening, Ted Talk

Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

I hope you enjoy this 12-minute Ted Talk by Celeste Headlee. Stephen Guise, author of Mini Habits suggested this one in his weekly newsletter and I wanted to pass it along. It is terrific!

Have a great Tuesday, everybody!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Wisdom Wednesday – Special Moments

Tags

Listening, Love, memories, Selflessness, Special Moments, Treasures, wisdom

Image by Candace Hunter from Pixabay 

I often ponder certain periods of my life. How did I end up where I am? Why did I learn the things I did in this life so far? What were the turning points? What moments are the most memorable?

When I think about my life’s most memorable moments I remember my wedding, some of my birthdays, graduating from college, retiring from the Army, and so many other things. The most memorable and important moments are those moments where someone was kind, giving, loving.

I remember the birthday presents and Christmas gifts my family sent to me when I was abroad. I remember the letters my late Grandma wrote. You know a gift from a lady that barely had enough to live on was something I will never forget. It warms my heart to think of those moments.

Then there are the family board games, playing Scrabble with my Mom and Grandma. Thanksgiving dinners. Christmas day. My first surprise birthday party thrown by my wife. The moments that stick with me the most are those that you can’t buy. These moments are the ones that really count.

Our lives are so busy. We work, we run errands; we pay our bills, and on it goes. It’s the little moments when someone shows us kindness or expresses their love for us. It isn’t the words “I love you”, but the acts that show that love. I still tear up when I think of some of these special moments in my life.

Today, even if it’s only a few minutes. Take that time to think about your special moments. The times someone smiled at you, helped you with something, spent time with you and just listened to what you had to say. These moments will carry you through the tough times. They will warm your heart when you lay in bed at night waiting for sleep to arrive. They will make you smile as you do your daily work. These moments when someone gave you their time or did something for you with no expectation or demand. They just did something that touched your heart.

These are the moments that hang on. These are the moments you take with you wherever you go. These are the moments that leave their mark. I love thinking about my special moments. They make me laugh. They make me cry. They make me feel loved.

Ah, these special moments that we carry with us. They are like the patchwork of a quilt, each one unique and contributing to the whole. Hold on to these special moments. They are a treasure that continues to hold its sparkle.

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Wisdom Wednesday – Treatment of Others

Tags

Abigail Van Buren, Actions, Character, Friends, Listening, Seeing, Watching

Image by Mircea Iancu from Pixabay 

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.” ― Abigail Van Buren

Have you ever been in a restaurant and watched someone treats a waiter or waitress with disrespect? Have you seen someone taunt a homeless person?

I have learned that the adage ‘actions speak louder than words’ is true. I’ve learned that people say a lot of things. They say them to make themselves feel better about themselves. Then you watch them act and in some cases it is exactly opposite. This is wisdom. It will help you negotiate who your friends are, who you do business with, and protect you from the people who lie to you and themselves all the time.

Wondering if you should go out with that guy or gal? Wondering if you should be friends with this person or that person? Watch them. Listen to them. If they walk their talk consistently, you’ve probably made a good choice. If not—run!

Let’s say you like a guy or gal. You set a date with them to go out. At the last minute, they bail. Then you set another date with them to go out and they do it again. This is probably someone you should avoid going forward. You can be friends or acquaintances, but they have shown you they don’t care about your time or you. Cross them off your list.

Let’s say your “friend” starts talking about another one of your friends behind their back. Again, another character issue. If they talk about your friends behind their back, what do they talk about behind your back? Cross them off your list.

Let’s say your friend commits to helping you out on one of your projects. They commit to doing something that is crucial to your project’s completion. They drop the ball and avoid you for weeks. Cross them off your list.

Actions speak louder than words. You want to know someone? Stop listening to what they say and begin watching what they do. You’ll soon learn who your true friends are.

Have a great Wednesday everyone!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Ted Talk Tuesday – Julian Treasure

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5 ways, Active Listening, filtering, Julian Treasure, Listening, RASA, Teaching Listening

Enjoy today’s Ted Talk, presented by Julian Treasure. This is a short talk about listening. Enjoy!

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Spiritual Saturday: When to help and when to listen.

Tags

Complaining, Empathy, Fixing, Listening, problem-solving, psychology, wisdom

“As we come out of our childhood of spirituality into greater states, we learn to let people be.”—Harold Klemp The Language of Soul

I have always struggled to empathize with people who complain. I always want to jump in and fix whatever is ailing them. What I have discovered is that people do not want to have their problems fixed for them. They want to be listened to, in most cases.

Today, I still struggle with this. In hindsight, I guess I have discovered that I am uncomfortable with people complaining. Complaining is a very negative and victim-like act, in my opinion. It is very frustrating when you run across someone who continuously complains about the same thing endlessly. It’s like these people are frozen in time, trapped in an endless loop without end.

I was watching a YouTube video a while back. I cannot recall the person’s name or even the YouTube video that I was watching but a conversation came up about one of the things he did to get along better with his wife. He said, “We came up with a way to identify what type of conversation we were in. I simply asked my wife whether this was a listening conversation or a solution conversation.” This was ingenious. The husband literally asks his wife whether he was to listen and empathize or listen and help her solve a problem. What a great way of doing things. If we are aware, we can pick up on these things and use them in our own lives.

Here’s a link to a great article about complaining: Psychology Today Article

If you continuously find yourself complaining about the same things, this article will help you understand the fruitlessness of this act. This article also explains how you relive what you are complaining about each time you complain. Talk about driving something deep into your psyche.

So, what are the lessons for today? Complaining is harmful if you are not using it to affect change in your life. There are two types of conversations: 1) Conversations where a person wants to complain and be listened to and empathized with; 2) Conversations where a person wants to complain in order to seek an answer to a question or find a solution to their problem.

If a person complains and asks for help, help them. If a person complains and does not ask for help, listen and empathize. People evolve and grow in unique ways. We have no right to jump in and advise, judge, or fix something they are totally capable of fixing. Let them be.

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Ted Talk Tuesday

Tags

filtering, hearing, Julian Treasure, Listening, mixing, mundane sounds, silence, solitude

Julian Treasure talks about listening. Enjoy this short Ted Talk about the art of listening and hopefully, you’ll begin to truly hear again.

Until next time…

Dave

Daily Ramblings – Spiritual Saturday

Tags

Empathy, Help, letting others be, Listening, non-interference

“As we come out of our childhood of spirituality into greater states, we learn to let people be.”—Harold Klemp The Language of Soul

Each of us is a unique being. We may possess similar traits to others in our circle but none of us are the same. We each arrive at the present day in our lives with baggage, nicks, cuts, and bruises—life can be tough sometimes. Each piece of baggage, each nick, each cut, and each bruise are an experience. These experiences add to the fabric of our uniqueness.

What is our first reaction when people complain to us? Give them a suggestion or try and help them solve their problem. What is the first reaction when you see someone struggling with something? We want to jump right in and help. In some cases, the help is welcomed; at other times it is not, even if the person you are trying to help doesn’t say anything out of politeness.

Regardless of your religious worldview, each path prescribes a way to be more God-like. There are things you can do and there are things you cannot do. Another reason for our existence here is to learn.

Have you ever been working on a crossword puzzle only to be told the answer to a part of it without asking for help? Have you ever been given advice when you didn’t ask for it? Frustrating isn’t it?

This is what letting others be means. If someone solicits your help—help. If they do not—do not. Some people need to struggle with their answers. We cheat them if we jump in and interfere without their permission. This is what non-interference means.

Non-interference means that we only help when people ask. We let people deal with their lives, their problems, and their issues and concerns on their own until they ask for help. If we jump in too quickly we cheat them out of the learning, the experience, the struggle they are here to get through.

In many cases, people just want to vent and be listened to. People want to be validated–to be understood. They aren’t looking for charity or help—they just want to be listened to. When a person wants your help, they will give you some indication that they need help. If they ask for help or advice, give it to them at that point.

Here are some things that will happen if you interfere when a person is not looking for help. They will resent your help. They will stop telling you about their problems. They will stop contacting or connecting with you. No one wants to be preached to.

Give people the physical and psychological space to work out their own problems. Believe me. When they want your help, they will ask you. In the meantime, be a shoulder to lean on. Be a person who will listen and empathize with them without judgment. Over time your relationship will grow stronger and they will come to you when it’s time.

Enjoy your Saturday! For my American readers, enjoy the Labor Day weekend! I hope everyone is taking the time to connect with friends and family, getting out and about, and recharging the batteries for your start of the work-week on Tuesday.

Until next time…

Dave