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“As we come out of our childhood of spirituality into greater states, we learn to let people be.”

—Harold Klemp
The Language of Soul

There is a law called “The Law of Non-Interference.” This means we do not interfere with what other people do with their lives, unless they ask. You cannot control other people. You can only control what you do.

Stop trying to change others. They will change on their own or they won’t. If you try to change other people, you will probably get some push back. They may get angry or blow you off. What I have discovered every time I try to involve myself in other people’s problems, I soon learn that I care more about what they do than they do.

I’m not saying that you ignore a dangerous act, like letting a friend drive home when they’ve had too much to drink. I am also not advocating the neglect of your children. But, for adults, let them be. It is not your business, unless they ask you for help.

If they ask, do all you can. If they do not, let them go.

I had a buddy who asked for help. He wanted to get better with his exercise routine and get his life organized. I helped. He struggled and made some progress, but lost it after a few months. I asked him if he wanted my help. He said, not really. Why? He was happy the way he was, despite how screwed up his life is. In hindsight, I think he asked for help because he thought he wanted it and he thought I possessed some magic bullet that would change his life overnight without the work it takes to do that. In reality, he is happy the way his life is. That’s ok. After a few more months, I had to let him go. We no longer had anything in common to talk about. People make choices. He made his; I made mine.

I could have persisted. I could have done all I could to help him change his life, but trying to help someone who doesn’t want your help or wants to change, is impossible. They will drag you down, lie to you, and waste your time.

My Dad has Dementia. I moved back home in 2016 to help around the house and give my Mom some freedom to get out of the house from time-to-time. My Dad gave up his driver’s license and we cannot leave him home alone. Dad has lost most of his short-term memory. My Mom and I make suggestions to him about things he could do, but he doesn’t want to do them. He sleeps late; he sleeps in his rocking chair when he gets up, and when he is up and about, he is watching YouTube. My Mom tries to help by having him do little things he can still do, but she is growing frustrated with him. Like me and my friend, my Mom is experiencing the same thing. She is trying to change Dad, when he doesn’t want to change, and his disease makes it even more difficult. We can take care of Dad, making sure he takes his medication, making his meals, and taking him out to dinner once in a while, but it’s his life. All we can do is let him live his life and take care of him as the disease progresses. When Dad gets to the point he can’t function on his own anymore, than we’ll have to do more. 

These are my experiences. Perhaps you have a different scenario where you need to intervene. You be the judge. For me, people have to ask for help to get it. I won’t volunteer to help them without their permission and request. People have their own lives to live. They make choices that are both good and bad, just like you and I do. Intervening or injecting ourselves into someone else’s life without that person asking for our help is not a good idea. You will be better off if you only get involved if asked.

Some may think this advice is harsh. So be it. If you believe you can change someone, go for it. My belief is that people will make changes when it benefits them to do so. They will change when they perceive there is something in it for them. Until then, they have to learn the hard lessons on their own. It is the only way.

 

I wish all of you a terrific Saturday! I also want to thank all the new followers of Daily Ramblings this week. It makes my day when people follow and comment. I wish all of you a great weekend!

 

Until next time…

Dave